Friday, August 25, 2006
whew... exams finally over... and now i'm more prepared then ever to repeating 4 modules... i'm a goner for sure... but anyways its over.. no point worrying le... juz pray hard for a miracle bahZ...been going to gym this few days... and then when i see myself get fitter... hahaZ... hav such a sense of achievement man... yesh... muz keep it up... i can do it... *nod* and the holidays are can start working on my stories and 'Goh Min Hao, Handsome For Life Project'... hahaZ... and find a job... so many things to do... wanna buy clothes too... go gym... busy busy busy... anyways going to gym tmr at 7a.m... wif oliver and bryant tmr... think i better go slp le bahZ...
posted at 12:14 AM... catcha later^^
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
its tues 12.29a.m... went to gym today wif bryant and my bro... hahaZ... guess who we met on the way... jin rui aka oliver... my primary sch classmate... and wad a small world... he's bryant's classmate... so the 4 of us went to gym 2gether... learn quite alot of gym stuffs from him... bryant and i realise tat we still dun really know alot of gym stuffs... gonna start doing research soon... hahaZ... jin rui is like so fit... aim to be like him someday... but he goes to gm everyday man... amazing sia... so bryant & i tot lets try tat for the whole holiday... then by nxt sem we would both be fit guys... strong arms... 6 pacs... big chested man... hahaZ... seems like a dream sia... but its possible... *nod* *nod* going again tmr morning... and i hav ServerM tmr afternoon somemore... i still hav no idea how i fared for my project... haiZz... another module doomed to fail... but the paper has 40 mcqs worth 80 marks... shldn't be hard to fail rite??? and i dropped my phone ytd... now my screen is like so spoilt... goner liao my phone.. hav to go repair soon... or else no phone... went to play bball on sunday... had lots of fun... i was like on fire... did quite alot of air time moves... hahaZ... feel so proud of myself... but overall had alot of fun... going out tis sat to celebrate jx and bn bdae... but cash is gonna be a big prob... haiZz...
*~EC Good Luck... ~*
(dun feel like writing anythin here today... but intstead i wanna wish Ec good luck... cuz he's been kinda on a down streak lately...)
So Eng Chuan stay happy...
Hold your head up high and go for it...
And the good times will eventually come...
posted at 12:33 AM... catcha later^^
Sunday, August 20, 2006
its sunday 1.25a.m. now... her birthday is over and i din even said 'Happr Birthday' once to her... i actually forgot abt it... guess its a good thing bahZ... i'm slowly forgetting things abt her... i'm slowly forgetting her... but now comes jx bdae... tis is a buddy tat will always be wif me.. no way i'll forget... gonna go play bball wif them tmr... 2dae i slept till real late... woke up at 5 plus... half the day gone... sheeZ... but i finall had a good rest... been studyin the past few days... tmr after bball gtg study le... i tink my blog is quite pitiful??? i hav a tag board but no one tags it... hahaZ... nvm... tis is my secret base in a way... where i put out all my fustrations... thx blog... hahaZ... always feel better after letting things out...
*~1 day...~*
1 day...
24 hours...
1440 minutes...
86400 seconds...
Which means the possibility of 2 strangers meeting at a same place in a day is 1 out of 86400...
So if you meet someone you like go for it...
Cause you might never meet that person again...
(Unless u know that person that is...)
posted at 1:30 AM... catcha later^^
Saturday, August 19, 2006
haiZz... juz had my maths paper 2dae... i'm a gonna... sure maybe i'll pass the paper... but i dun tink i can get enuff to pass the module... so screwed... so dead... nxt serverM and INET left... seriously praying for a miracle... but a least in all this despair... i hav a terrific news... i'm another step closer to my dreams... this SEM i took a GEMs called 'Film Appreciation'... my module lecturer is a director and she has a film club... so i talked to her during the 1st lesson... hoping for somethin... then she said she wanted to see my performance in class 1st... then on thurs i went to take the paper... after i talked wif her... she said i got the potenial... and talked a little abt how much i loved filming... heheZ... then she asked me to write 3 main stories and show it to her nxt sem... wahahaha... i'm gonna start fliming soon... cant wait for exams to be over so i can work on my script and the sem to start filming... so... i tot abt it... if i stay in SP longer i get to do more films... hahaZ... so its okay to fail??? =P but i still wanna pass... cuz its such a drag to do the same modules again... haiZz... its pass 12mn le... its her birthday 2dae... dun think i will get her a present bahZ... and jx tmr... we still hav no idea how we r gonna celebrate it... exam period and all... i tink i end here... better start studyin tmr...
*~yesterday-today-tommorow...~*
Yesterday is History...
Tommorow's a Mystery...
Today's a Gift...
Thats why we a called the Present...
posted at 2:18 AM... catcha later^^
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
i feel like i'm going to die so seriously... i expect to repeat 4 modules... and jx's bdae is coming and we havnt decide on anythin yet... hmm... i wonder wat to get him... and her bdae is also coming too... tinking of giving her a bdae present but... hahaZ... i dun seem fit to giv her a bdae present... haiZz... anyways this few days nothin much... juz spent most of my days at home... hoping to study and waiting for a miracle... i'm so screwed... i tink i'm gonna get kicked out of poly soon... i'm either gonna die of boredom... or die in the hands of my dad when my results come... cuz i'm most likely to flung them all... i'm on a path of despair right now...bryant juz called... goin wif him to gym tmr... haiZz... broke... restless... cant seem to do anythin... youtube's down cant watch one piece... gonna go plan out how i'm gonna study tmr... Tree The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Leaf During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. Why? Wind Because I like a gal called leaf.
*~Leaf's departure is because of Wind pursuit...~*
===
Overtime I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolors painting.
I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U.
There's one gal who I love a lot but never dare go after her.
She doesn't have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, doesn't have outstanding charm. She is just a very ordinary gal.
I like her. I really like her.
Like her innocent, like her frankness.
Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility.
Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me.
I'm also afraid that after we are together all the good feelings will vanish.
I'm also afraid other's gossips will hurt her.
I felt that if she's my gal, she will be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up everything just for her.
The last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years.
She watch me chase after gals, and I have make her heart cry for 3 years.
She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director.
When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us.
She was embarrassed but smile & say "Go on!" before running off.
The next day, her eyes was swollen like a walnut.
I purposely didn't want to think about what causes her to cry but laugh at her the whole day. When everybody go back home, she was alone crying in the classroom.
She didn't know that I returned from soccer training to get something.
I watch her cry for an hour or so.
My 4th girlfriend didn't like her.
There was once when both of them quarreled.
I know that based on her character she's not the type that will start off the quarrel.
But I still sided with my girlfriend.
I shouted at her and her eyes was filled shocked.
I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend.
The next day, she still laugh & joke with me like nothing has ever happened.
I know that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ache is as bad as hers.
When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out.
After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her.
She told me that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too.
I told her about my break up and she told me about her getting together.
I know whose the guy.
He has been going after her for quite a while.
A very cute guy full of energy, lively and interesting.
His pursuit for her has been the talk of the school.
I can't show her my heart ache but could only smile & congratulate her.
When I reach home, the heart ache is so strong that I can't stand it.
It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest.
I couldn't breath.
Wanted to shout but can't.
Tears rolled down & I broke down & cry.
How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence too. During graduation, I read a sms in my hp.
It was send 10 days ago when I broke down and cry.
I haven't read it since then.
It says "Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit.
Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"
===
Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot of courage.
During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy.
Not BGR kind but as buddy kind.
But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. The sourness in the heart can't be describe by using a lemon.
It's like 100 rotten sour lemon.
Sourness to the extreme limit.
They were only together for 2 mths.
When they broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness.
But after a mth, he got together with another gal.
I like him & I know he like me.
But why won't he pursue me?
Since he love me why he doesn't want to make the first move?
Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt.
Time after time, my heart was hurt.
I begin to suspect that this is a one sided love.
If he don't like he, why does he treat me so well.
It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend.
Liking a person is very heart wrenching.
I can know his likes, his habits.
But his feelings towards me I can never figure out.
You can't expect me a gal to ask him right?
Despite that, I still want to be by his side.
Care for him, accompany him, love him.
Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me.
It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms.
I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me.
Because of this, I waited for him.
The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really want to give up.
Sometimes, I wonder should I continue waiting.
The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompany me for 3 years.
Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me.
Everyday he pursuit me relentlessly.
From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart.
He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree.
In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind a small footing in my heart.
I know this wind will bring this badly battered leave to afar away & better land.
Finally I left tree, but the tree only smiled & didn't ask me to stay.
Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit.
Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay
====
Because she's so dependent on tree so I have to be a gust wind.
A wind that will blow her away.
When I first met her, it was 1 mth after I transfered to the new school.
I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer.
During ECA time, she will always be sitting there.
Be it alone or with her friends looking at him.
When he talks with gals there's jealousy in her eyes.
When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes.
Looking at her became my habit.
Just like she likes to look at him.
One day, she didn't appear.
I felt something amissed.
I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness.
The senior was also not there as well.
I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her.
Tears were in her eyes while he left.
The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him.
I walked over and smiled to her.
Took out a note & gave to her.
She was surprised.
She looked at me, smiled & accept the note.
The next day, she appeared & pass me a note and left.
Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away
It's not that leaf heart is too heavy.
It's because leaf never want to leave tree
I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls.
I know that the person she loves is not me.
But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me.
Within 4 mths, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times.
Every time, she will divert away from the topic.
But I never give up.
If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over.
I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her.
Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope.
Hoping that she will agree to me my girlfriend.
I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone.
I asked "what are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?"
She said, "I'm nodding my head".
"Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears.
"I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly.
I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place &
press her door bell.
During the moment when she opens the door.
I hugged her tightly.
Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit.
Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay???
posted at 1:46 AM... catcha later^^
Thursday, August 10, 2006
hahaZ... national day... wad a boring day... slept practicall throughout the whole and woke to hav lunch then dinner... steamboat!!! wahahah... really had my fill man... then i was back to JAVA... i missed my FA test on tues fell sick... and was unable to go... but i dun hav a Mc wonder if i will be given a retest... haiZz... for some reason feel kinda low today... no mood to do anythin... even din had much for steamboat.. juz feel so lousy at the moment... then felt like coming to juz rant out some crap...
shannon u sux u know??? big time... unable to do anythin... juz lazing is ur speciality... cant do anythin right... living off others... letting ppl u love get hurt... letting the ppl u like go... and all u do is watch... powerless to do anythin... why dun u try doing somethin for a change??? your dreams wad happened to them??? u giving up alrdy??? or was it all juz empty talk??? seriously get a life... she can nvr be yours.. forget it.. wake up from ur fantasies will ya??? dun like ur life??? do something dammit... u're juz a god damn pain in ass to every1... useless guy...
*~Now/Never™...©~*
posted at 5:51 AM... catcha later^^
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
well... its 4.54am now... why am i still up so late and not getting some beauty sleep... well... cuz i hav a movie to catch... Capote... need to watch by 5pm later 2dae for my GEMs test later on... kinda getting sick of watchin so tot of blogging for a while... well... where did i update to last time???
lets start wif fri... i missed lessons again... so totally overslept and was unable to go gym wif sen and ethan in the morning... i even overslept the appointment wif jx and bn... we were supposed to meet at 12.30 & i woke up at 1... wanted to rush down le... then my father offered to fetch me derre after he fetched my bro to his exams that is...then he dragged me to pay bills wif him be4 finally fetchin me to meet them... i was like late for 3 hours... haiZz... well... back on track... we got a backpack for EC tat day cuz we all figured it would be the most practical gift to give...
sat... wanted to go gym wif my cousin initially but we both stayed up really late last night so we were too tired to go gym the nxt day... haiZz... really wanted to go sia...then stayed home all day and chased one piece on youtube...
sun... went to play bball wif my buds & also to hand EC his bdae present... HaiZz... but he was unlucky... during our last game he sprained his ankle again... he landed on my foot as he was landing... and the worst he juz recovered... i feel so guilty causing him to be injured again... hope he recovers soon... then went to choing JAVA...
i chionged as much as cld but still din make it for the deadline 2dae... but thankfully teacher allowed us to hand in on thurs or else i wld hav been so dead... so now i juz want to finish my GEMs... then go chiong my JAVA later 2dae... i'm so gonna need help... oh ya... we r all planning a 'Goh Min Hao, Handsome For Life Project' for his prom night but tat will come after our exams... hahaZ... hope it goes well... well got to get back to my movie... getting hungry maybe i'll go cook somethin...
*~ mInDsEt? ~*
(a little quote from 'One Piece')
Once I've set my mind on my dream...
I'm gonna accomplish it even if it means dying...
posted at 4:59 AM... catcha later^^
Friday, August 04, 2006
i feel like i'm such an asshole... ytd sleep late to try and do my server project... then 2dae... i totally overslept... and left jeff all alone in sch to do the project himself again... i so feel like killing myself for being so irreponsible... but jeff juz keep doing things by himself... maybe its cuz i dun prove myself reliable... i'm als0 kinda of worried... especially wif INET he did everythin all by himself... i dunno if i shld thx him or hate him for doing it all alone... this reminds me... tat din totally didn't do anythin... INET he actually lied to me and said he went... then jeff told me tat he didn't see din tat day... he didn't even try... and server although his not in my grp... but joel seems so stressed now... din nvr go for lessons... alice cant help much... haiZz... i know i'm not really much better of myself... and here i'm having fun... going out with my buds tmr... and gym wif sen and ethan... not knowing wad is going to happen to my INET or server... i'm really am an ASSHOLE... but jeff juz wont tell me anythin... haiZz... ARGH!!! i'm going crazy... guess all i can do now is trust jeff on the INET proj... and do my best for server...
so like i said i'm goin out wif my buds tmr... we're goin to get a present for ec as his bdae is coming soon... we couldn't really tink of wad to get him... so i suggested getting him a shirt to gif him like a change of style... which gives me somethin to confess here... when i'm wif my buds i'm in 1 style... when i'm in school i'm another style... when i'm going out wif other ppl other then my buds i'm another style... so tat makes 3 styles... confusing... then nvm then... cuz it doesn't matter anyways... cuz no matter what style i am, its still me underneath...
and i've decided to make my blog go public... but first i hav to wait like 5 more post bahZ... to wash back some of the more secretive stuffs...cuz i'm afraid if i go public now she might read all the things i've said abt her... although no names... but she shld know... tis will las0 be the last post which i'm going to talk abt her... this few days busy wif projs and stuff... so is she so didn't really get to talk to her... hope i can get to talk to her soon... actually come to think, i can go public and talk abt her now tat i tink abt it... i juz tell my fren in their blogs 1 by 1... then she wont know... ya... i guess i'll do juz tat... see first ba... dang... now i'll hav to rethink this all over again...
posted at 1:53 AM... catcha later^^
Thursday, August 03, 2006
i've decided... actually not really... well.. i'm thinking of whether i should have my blog go public??? let more people know about it... but that would also mean i cant talk abt more personal stuffs le... how??? tell me... will someone???
so back to updates... lets see... today 1st... there was this anime screening thing in SP today... so went to help out... had lots of fun watching the animes... hahaZ... felt nice... then i found a TV a the PA room... and the uncle was so kind as to let me watch "Mr. Fighting"... and he let me eat and watch too... thx uncle!!! so back to the screening... had lots of fun other then the fact that calista took my beanie(the one she keeps calling a ski cap) and went running ard wif it... and was dragged to having dinner wif them but i din had anythin as i forgot to bring my money 2day... =p oh ya... my slping disease is getting worst man... i'm pretty sure i set an alarm for 7 today... but i din even hear it ring... if my mom hadn't woke me up i tink i wld haf slept thru the day... haiZz... maybe i can see a doc for this can i??? and i found out 2day tat jeff had finished the INET proj alrdy... felt really bad abt having him doing it all... so i'm going to put my all in this server or else i dun tink i will feel at ease...
so nxt... hmm... what others highlights are there??? oh ya... i broke my pair of specs... the one in the pic... dang... i really liked tat pair man... last sunday i was really hoping to play basketball wif my buddies... i tot of this really cool move really wanted to try it out... but it juz kept raining and raining... haiZz... and i dun tink dere will be any this week too as we all gonna have exams le... haiZz... hey.... if u huys are reading this promise me something??? our friendship will nvr change even for a million yrs kay?? cuz i've seen alot of my frenz losing their best frenz and stuff... i tink its really amazing tat all us, so different was able to become buds in 1st place... so lets stay tat way 4eva... i dun got much left to update le bahZ... wonder if i shld let my blog go public man...
time to get back to projects le...
*~wHaT iS yOuR dEePeSt fEaR?~*
(a quote from Coach Carter... that i find nice...)
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate...
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure...
It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us...
Your playing small does not serve the world...
There is nothing enlighten about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you...
We are all meant to shine as children do...
It's not just in some of us;
'It is in everyone...'
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same...
As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automactically liberates others...
this was suppose to be up on July 26... duno why it wasn't posted...
Seriously this sucks... i juz changed this new blog skin... and i lost my previous post... juz crap man together wif the photo i uploaded... sux juz sux... and as for school also sux i go to lesson not understand a thing... i think i'm drifting away from like everything my classmates, school work, and my dreams... i'm so screwed can't seem to find any mood to study... but i have to study although i hav no interest at all... my friends think i dun care at all about everything but i do... its just that its elsewhere... most of my classmates have given up on the fact that they are going to be a technician after this course and have started planning... but i don't i still believe that i can still achieve my dreams... but maybe i should learn from my uncle do well in diploma have a back up just in case even if i have no interest... argh... but i'm in totally no mood... argh... "MOOD!!! where are you???" if i can juz get in to study mode... oh ya wanted to update this on monday but couldn't as the webstie had some probs...
i went to play basketball on sunday with jx, min hao, ec and bi neng they all... and an un-expected guest appeared... 'Alex Tai' never really liked... i was like so expecting a big quarrel or something... cause i've mostly had probs like this with him... but guess we're alright now... i told u guys about my blog le right??? so if u guys are reading this... PLEASE TAG MORE OKAY??? hahaZ...
can't think anymore le... gtg sleep... hopefully my mood will come before its to late... *praying*
*~ bRb ~*
uSuAlLy i wOuLd post sOmE sTuFf hErE...
sOmE qOuTeS oR sOmEtHiNg tHaT hAs mEaNinG tO mE...
bUt hAvN't dOnE tHaT fOr tHe pAsT fEw pOsT...
aNd dIn rEaLly tHoUghT oF 1 fOr 2dAy...
dUn wOrRy iTs cOmInG baCk...
posted at 3:05 AM... catcha later^^
i'm Shannon...
i'm 174cm tall...
weigh ard 67kg...
born on 18-12-1988...
studying in SP now...
well i likes things to be simple...
basketball...
eating...
chocolates..
slacking...
sleeping...
dun really like crowded places...
studying too...
being hungry...
myself(sometimes)...